Hacker News Books

Also, my company has weekly Lunch-N-Learns, I give 1-2 a year on various topics related to writing, testing and deploying software just like I would at a meetup group.

The Definitive Book of Body Language
http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/05538...

+1 to How to Win Friends & Influence People

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/06...

I don't know if it's as "step-by-step" as you're looking for, but it's a classic and still quite popular -- I think it'll at least be a good starting point for you.

How to Win Friends & Influence People
by Dale Carnegie

Quantum Electrodynamics (Feynman): A summary of how almost EVERYTHING works (albeit explained simplistically).

Poor Charlie's Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger (great insights / worldly wisdom from one of the world’s greatest investors).

The Vital Question: Energy, Evolution, and the Origins of Complex Life

The Princeton Companion to Mathematics (Great overview of mathematics).

Quantum Mechanics: Concepts and Applications (Great QM book).

Wooden on Leadership: How to Create a Winning Organization (Great leadership / management insights).

Why Does the World Exist?: An Existential Detective Story

Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (An extremely simplified historical overview of how we got here).

The Book of Disquiet (Serpent's Tail Classics) (Random journaling from one of the world’s greatest prose writers: Fernando Pessoa).

Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software (Excellent explanation on how computers work from bottom -> top).

The Machinery of Life (Includes excellent visuals in biology).

The Character of Physical Law (Great insights in physics by Feynman).

The Goal: A Process of Ongoing Improvement (Great book on business process improvement).

How to Win Friends & Influence People (Nothing groundbreaking, but still a worthy read).

Coders at Work: Reflections on the Craft of Programming (Great info and insights from some of the greatest software developers of all time).

The Periodic Table (Great read and some of the greatest prose writing you’ll ever encounter).

Managing Humans by Michael Lopp

Peopleware by Tom DeMarco & Tim Lister

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/06...

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behaviour. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Thanks to Dale Carnegie. "How to win Friends & Influence People"

I can empathize with this because I feel like saying this all too often. I guess it's a mentality of "teach a man how to fish". I guess I could use a reading of "How to Win Friends & Influence People".

How many of these cold emails have you sent?
To what extent have you varied the copy in those emails?
Are you just asking for something, or are you offering something as well?
Have you gotten advice from other successful hustlers (concretely, talk to some seed stage founders for hustle ideation; abstractly, read How to Win Friends & Influence People at least once per year) on what you might want to put in the email?

What about non-email channels?
Have you gone through Twitter (This is how I've met multiple investors and advisors, totally cold, with no friendly introduction.)?
How about crawling toward them meticulously through LinkedIn?
How about networking via HN?
Have you tried hanging out on relevant IRC channels?
Have you contributed to their questions & answers on Quora?

I don't mean to be overly critical here. The OP is a great example of inbound marketing hustle, and I commend you guys for it. Two of the key ingredients in startup success are determination and resourcefulness. Clearly you're resourceful, now crank up the determination a notch. Right now it sounds a bit like you've found good excuses not to keep trying. If you can't land a Skype call with someone who might be able to help you get noticed by YC, what evidence do we have that you're going to land a Skype call with a key distribution partner in six months?

Keep trying. Keep swinging and striking out. You'll see patterns. You'll improve. Eventually, you'll start making contact.

But this blog reminded me of some of the concepts from the book, its far more productive to give positive encouragement than to give negative feedback, and just adding a complement isn't enough if you follow it with a "but".

"Hey pretty cool program! Its a great start. I bet we can make it run faster if we changed the way files are imported to something like this... nice work"

will get better results then this

"Hey pretty cool program, but you're reading in files wrong"

which even that is better than this

"You're reading in files completely wrong, try googling for a better solution" which unfortunately among engineers seems to be the most common reply.

Are you looking for books about a programming language? or about methodologies, patters, best practices, etc.

As far as about specific programming languages, personally I think the internet is a far better resource. Books are better for the "Soft"er skills (communication, design, etc)

Here are a few I've enjoyed:

* The Phoenix Project

* Accelerate

* Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

* Rework

Finally, if you've never read "How to win Friends & Influence people", do it now! I'm 34 and for whatever reason put off reading this until last month. I wish I had read that book 10 years ago. I'll definitely be adding it to my re-read list as there is a TON of good advice for building relationships, which is arguably more important than many technical things.

This is obviously the complete opposite of how you should be communicating with someone in most situations let alone when you want something from them.

I have sure been there though so if anything, take this as a book recommendation for 'How to Win Friends & Influence People'.

> who doesn't trust people

I do not trust people because I write in a journal? How is this incriminating? I don't find it any more peculiar than speaking to oneself or opening with "dear diary" -- as if those who address their text to something inanimate are any better. I fail to see any merit in this revelation aside from attacking my character. I could try and dig up something equally irrelevant from your history but I find that act to be in poor taste.

> You seem to think 'How to win friends & influence people' is an acceptable instruction book for manipulating people

Once again the context is conveniently missing: the individual I was replying to described himself as someone who dislikes talking to average people (had a sense of superiority). I figured rather than offer him something vague and patronizing like, "be nice and try to be humble", I would endorse a resource that would offer solutions pertinent to the subject matter. I was not sharing my own personal opinions; one does not have to ascribe morality to a function in order to see merit in its execution towards an objective.

> You think a public psychological label is a life-and-death matter

Not entirely, no. But is this a minority opinion? Why would they blackmail the patients if they didn't believe that some would be willing to pay? I have recently lost someone precious to me as a result of similar circumstances and my mishandling of the situation by encouraging therapy and medication played a key role in her suicide. I apologize if my original comment appeared unnecessarily reflexive -- I'm still reeling from the guilt and I could be projecting some of that bias in my response to these types of things.

I think if something necessitates intervention then by all means seek professional care. But if you're unsure and living a decent life make sure you exhaust all other options before considering yourself diagnosed with whatever label is put in vogue by pseudo-scientists. If you think some secrets are uninteresting consider if they'll remain that way when the culture inevitably shifts and society decides to reject certain categories of people. The normal of yesterday too often becomes the enemy of a better tomorrow.

1) Check out the book How to Win Friends & Influence People[1]. It argues that the best way to make connections with people is to be genuinely interested. I read it the summer after graduating high school and try to reread it every couple of years.

2) When I was in college, I went to parties with my friends and forced myself to talk to people. At first, it was extremely awkward, but after a couple years, everything just clicked. If you're out of college, it'd probably be bars/clubs instead of college parties.

3) I joined Toastmasters, which is an organization that helps people become better communicators. They have periodic meetings where you would give a prepared or impromptu speech and have people provide constructive criticism. It's a great place and everyone there is extremely supportive.

I think the best way to improve your conversational skills is really just going out there and putting yourself in situations outside of your comfort zone. It'll take a while, but you'll improve a little bit each time.

Good Luck!

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...

Sandi's talk was called "You Are Insufficiently Persuasive" and she talks a good bit about this idea, starting with that the unhappiness of programmers primarily comes from other people, and that if only we could make them behave the way we want them to act, we would all be much happier. This is one of those Sandi talks I've listened to a few times more than once, and I recommend watching it all the way through, if this is an interesting idea for you.

But to spoil it just a bit, after the major arc of the talk it is suggested that the way to get people to act better is to first change your own behavior, and that it's also often helpful to question whether your way is actually right.

I haven't actually watched this particular talk in a while, so I'm interested to see if others who did have a different interpretation, and whether you think I got it right.

If I had a solid answer that worked for anyone I'd be rich! Many self-help books try. 7 Habits (Covey) and How to Win Friends & Influence People (Carnegie) are two I liked.

Ultimately the question is individual, so the answer is too. I'll just say, when you know, you know. If you don't know, keep looking. So long as you're on this earth you have a chance to answer that question and many interesting others. When you do, you'll look back and be glad you tried.

I'd also say that it's a lifelong process and it seems equally possible to lose yourself. For me I was not always aware of when I started slipping.

I started doing meditation recently and found it helps settle my thoughts and become aware of when my brain was thinking things I didn't want it to. The book Mindfulness in Plain English [1] was recommended to me, and I'm about halfway through it. I'd recommend it to anyone interested in becoming more aware of themselves and others.

[1] http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html

a. Spin Selling by Neil Rackham

b. 50 ScientificallyWays to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin, Robert B. Cialdini

c. Three Steps to Yes by Gene Bedell; -Only print, no audio

d. Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath & Dan Heath

e. How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Amen! "Shut up and go with the flow" is common advice I hear when I question the logic of various decisions in multiple organizations. If a corporation really wants creativity, they'll allow and REWARD asking "pesky questions" that may hurt egos of those with higher rank.

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends & Influence People" basically confirms this: you have to have a personal relationship to truly influence somebody, logic alone won't cut it. I hate that book, but it's speaks the ugly truth. Humans are not Vulcans.

It's there if you want it, most orgs don't. I'm just the messenger.

That being said, some contrarians gum up the works with low-quality questions and research. (Sometimes called "trolls".) There does need to be a systematic way to ask questions and make suggestions with a vetting process, but such requires a skill-set and training, which does require org resources and time.

I'm not sure that the icons in your introductory statement help your cause. They look cool and professional, but make reading the statement a little disjointed. Sometimes you're using the icons like a noun ("Thumbs Up" is smart, and gets things done), while other times they seem to be just images off to the side. I would put one (1) icon per sentence, at the end of the sentence so as not to make the paragraph seem disjointed.

You should read your resume aloud so that you catch any typoes. For example, you say 'having wore multiple hats,' but that should really be having worn multiple hats.

You say 'he' a lot, while speaking about yourself in third person. If this is supposed to be an 'objective' statement, it's okay to actually make it about you.

I like the nice layout of skills and interests, but some of them seem totally pointless. Freenode does not need to be on your resume. Unless you're working on or with them, neither do the plethora of blogs and people you have listed (Joel on Software, Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Steve Jobs?!). Honestly, all of those things that aren't a skill you have or a tool you use shouldn't be there. A hiring manager does not care that you like xkcd or read How to Win Friends & Influence People.

The 'Experience' section, however, looks great! I love the little skill buttons that you put under each position: great call! It might not hurt to have a small blurb about what exactly you did there, but with the buttons I'm not even sure that that is necessary.

The tl;dr here is that you have way too many gimmicks and unnecessary information on the first page (although it does look pretty, you UX Engineer, you), but the second page is almost perfect.

Good luck in your job search!

Well, that's disgusting. What you're intimating is that if you cannot convince someone that they're wrong, you want nothing to do with them. Horrid.

Instead of always being right, how about you try tact? Ask non-related questions, and show interest in his chosen hobbies or field of study/work.

The above is no reason to /disconnect/ from another human being. It's reason to get to know them better. Lead by example, not by force-feeding them your dogma.

You'd probably benefit from some light reading:

How to Win Friends & Influence People:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01H38S9FY/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?...

This is a classic book that you can finish in one night. If you don't like reading there's an audiobook version as well. It's also recommended by pg and yc

http://www.audible.com/pd/Business/How-to-Win-Friends-Influe...

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0...

This advice is probably millenia old. Still good.

If you want to learn more, you might want to start with something like How to Win Friends & Influence People. It's old and cheesy but 100% accurate nonetheless (good history lesson too). It's always about the other person's experience, and not about you.

A great modern book is "The Hard Truth about Soft Skills."

There are several books on body language itself, but they typically don't have more information than the OP article, and then are filled with excessively speculative/suspiciously detailed interpretations of other things.

Perhaps the most important thing for hacker-types to learn is that your body language, attitude, behavior isn't about other people judging you - but you showing how you judge them by the effort you put into your appearance and attitude for them. You put effort into it == you respect them. It's just that simple.

The second most important thing to know is that there is no true way to detect if somebody is lying or insincere, and lots of those body language books argue that there is. Gut instincts are real, and when people lie they often believe what they are saying anyway, so you gotta listen to your gut and not try to analyze if their eyes looked up and to the left or their eyebrows quirked, or if they covered their mouth with their hand. While you're trying to micro-analyze this crap, you won't be paying attention.

____

Okay I've skimmed your HN history for juicy secrets to make a point. You're a teenager who doesn't trust people (with some parts of yourself) and writes your secret emotions down on paper to send to fake people. You think a public psychological label is a life-and-death matter. You seem to think 'How to win friends & influence people' is an acceptable instruction book for manipulating people. So you are somewhat exposed already.

The point of therapy is to not need it anymore. If you have hang ups about it, or other topics, you should go there until you don't need to anymore. There is nothing inherently good or bad about having a socially approved and useful set of ideas to contain chaos.

The psychological disorders are like tools. They don't describe what you are, they are a useful label for closing up Pandora's box again and give people some relief from an unknown illness. Having a psychologist label you or anybody else as narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic is no more dangerous than being called a jay-walker. If you know what it means and what you are, then it's manageable.

There are some secrets that will get your life messed up. For every Turing, you have a Tom Cruise or the people who went to Epstein's island or whoever else has taboo secrets and still succeeds. There are not good or virtuous secrets and you are wise to be aware of their impact. The majority of secrets are uninteresting and commonplace.

There are two books that I must recommend for any engineer that is in the same situation as Mr. Cohen.

Blink, By Malcom Gladwell. This book explains the concept of intuition and thinking with the subconscious. I think this is something that is lost to a lot of science people that have to rationalize everything in life with concrete details. In my opinion, I think that our subconscious is a much more logical real life processing unit than our conscious because it can link concepts much more quickly. As the old adage says, sometimes you have to trust your instincts.

How To Win Friends & Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. This book goes into incredible depth with a bunch of narratives explaining the proper way to deal with people. Very interesting book, in fact, this is the one book PG recommends EVERY startup entrepreneur to read, and I couldn't agree more.

(I am a startup CEO, w/ technical background. Learnt a LOT from this book. Would probably not be in the same job if I hadn't read this)

Other good books that will give an intro into tech startup management for laypeople:

-Zero to One (Peter Thiel)

-The hard thing about Hard things (Ben Horowitz)

When I read this book, the timing was perfect and I credit it with refocusing my mind when it comes to relationships. Critics usually say that it's all just common sense, and I would agree -- however, these critics miss the fact that common sense is rarely common practice.

I recall my first few interactions after reading the first half of the book, and the stuff works, plain and simple. I wanted to kick myself for being so oblivious.

It sounds like you are already aware of the importance of relationships, so I would say, give it a shot and don't get discouraged. With practice, it will become easier (almost second nature when you see how positive the results are). You can also find some great summaries of this book online. Due to an overwhelmingly positive experience with this book, I later searched for further reading on the topic and ended up with "Ethics for the New Millennium" by the Dalai Lama -- this book helped to bring into focus the underlying "truth" of "How to Win Friends & Influence People" and is a nice follow up... good luck!

http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.htm... (Summary)

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/06...

http://www.amazon.com/Ethics-New-Millennium-Dalai-Lama/dp/15...

Daniel Pink - To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others http://www.amazon.com/Sell-Human-Surprising-Moving-Others/dp...

Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends & Influence People http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/06...

As you understand the macro details of sales, the more micro things (tactics, strategies, best practices) are probably best served by specific industry or specific aspects of sales. For example:

http://www.amazon.com/Behind-Cloud-Salesforce-com-Billion-Do...

http://www.amazon.com/Sales-Acceleration-Formula-Technology-...

http://www.amazon.com/Predictable-Revenue-Business-Practices...

I also really like Jason Lemkin and his SaaStr blog: http://www.saastr.com/ Loads of SaaS sales practices on there.

Even if you find a great job where you can focus on the "15%" there will always be other departments / managers / competitors, who doesn't play by your rules. You better get used to it and continue doing a good job & read the book "How to Win Friends & Influence People".

If I were you I would stay at least for one another year in my current position and quit first when I know how to handle politics.

I'm sure the problem goes deep and has multiple layers, but it seems a major factor is that you hardly know anyone and probably feel disconnected from society. I used to be shy also, but for different reasons (I stuttered pretty badly when I as young). I can say for certain that opening up and truly connecting with people makes a big difference in life satisfaction.

If you haven't read it, a good starting point is Dale Carnegie's classic 'How to Win Friends & Influence People".

Beyond that, take small steps to connect with people. Here is a first big step IMHO: start smiling more and projecting happiness. It attracts people to you. Even more, psychologists have found reason to believe the act of physically smiling improves your mood. Fake it til you make it.

Here are a few others: start making eye contact with people on the street, smile at people on the street, start saying hi to random people (the waitress, the person working the cash register, co workers), make random small talk with strangers (about anything! you have nothing to lose really), etc.

All the small steps will slowly add up, and over time, you will find yourself connecting better with people, making more friends, etc.

Good luck!

The case for wearing a seat belt is my exception to this rule. I was talking to a "libertarian" friend and he mentioned his life is his responsibility and he should wear the seat belt or not if he didn't want to. I told him that if he got in an accident and paralyzed because of not wearing seat belt then it wouldn't be fair to the rest of us tax payers to support him because of his decision. (This was in a modern country with universal health care).

He thought for a second and said, "oh, yes, you're right".