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Thank you - I've read Ikigai and loved it :) Could probably do with another read!

Just reading Ikigai by Sebastian Marshall. Very interesting philosophies around life and business.

I am seeing a lot of comments here about depression, though it doesn't ring true to me - the situation you're in is one that myself and a lot of the other comments can understand from our own experience of similar situations and it really does suck. My take is that you're feeling the way you do in response to the situation you find yourself in, and perhaps due to the loss of control and ensuing hopelessness.

As a first step I recommend taking a look at a book called Ikigai [1] (There is some fair criticism of the author taking that japanese word somewhat out of context, but don't let that take away from the key point of the book). It certainly helped me to work out a way to think more about how to find a more rewarding and meaningful career and ultimately life. It's a nice gentle read too.

As a second step, you could seek out a career coach or someone who you can talk to in order to uncover your needs and dreams - they're in there somewhere buddy.

I've only recently taken the second step myself to start learning more about how to feel more meaning in what I am spending a good chunk of my life on. I've found a good coach who has been enormously helpful in asking the right (and difficult) questions at the right time.

Final thought: money matters come up a lot in your post. You don't have to measure yourself in that dimension if you don't want to anymore. You can add a great deal of value to the world without $$$ being the base unit, and/or have a lot of fun!

[1]: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ikigai-Japanese-secret-long-happy/d...

wake up by 7, go cycling for around 10km

bath and quick breakfast

work from 9:30 till 6/6:30

inbetween lunch break from 1:30-3

evening tea/snack for 30 min between the meetings

Then I play some video games and take a 3-4km hike while talking to friends.

Dinner somewhere around 8:30

Then I waste time on HN, YouTube about anything and everything till I'm bored and sleep just before 1.

Weekends I do some household chores and pick a book on my kindle, currently reading Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life.

Although, this is when the project timelines allow me, when issues or deadlines pile up, my night times will be occupied and weekends will be filled with more work.

I'm actively trying to improve my lifestyle, but I feel I'm getting stagnated, and introducing new changes (workouts and yoga for eg.) are becoming very difficult and mentally tiring. I'm hoping you guys have some hack.