Hacker News Books

I was recommended "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown for this problem. As self-help books go it's decidedly light on woo.

I found reading The Gifts of Imperfection (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N4KQI11), by Brene Brown, really helped reframe "imposter syndrome" for me.

“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”

You feel less like an imposter when you realise that nobody is perfect. You can embrace your imperfections and be satisfied with who you are today.

As a side note, this "Ask HN" question is one of the many reason I enjoy reading HN. It's a vulnerable question that has provoked several honest and thoughtful answers. It's not a "Top 10 way to overcome imposter syndrome" blog post...there's no link baiting or profit to be made. I suspect that asking the question will go along way to making the OP feel a lot better...it's tough to feel like an imposter when the response from the community is so positive.

The number of people responding is very encouraging to see.

To answer the question, I echo and endorse what one user has already posted -- practice gratitude and be nice to yourself. It's very easy to get caught-up thinking we're not enough these days, and social media likely exacerbates it. I'm not going to tell you to get off of social media, but try appreciating all the things you do well and find things you like about yourself.

Lastly, I'm not too big into self-help books, but if there's one that's helped me it's The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. The gist is start loving yourself for who you are, recognize that you are enough, and understand the difference between shame and guilt (and why guilt is ok but shame is bad).

That quote is fantastic. Definitely gonna check out the whole book.

Another book that sounds similar is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S). I don't know exactly how it compares to The Gifts of Imperfection as I haven't read the latter. The former talks about how you aren't as special as you have been told and how that's not only perfectly okay, but really freeing.

You learn to forgive yourself once you get over yourself. Stop acting like you can be some perfect being and have a happy life if you just: earn lots of money, get that fancy car, get married, etc. They won't make you happy in and of themselves.

The same goes for your career, too. Some things are going to suck and that's okay. You can't fix everything and "you only have so many fucks to give". You have to constantly decide what to give a fuck about and stop giving a fuck about things you don't. That last part sounds redundant, but can be hard to actually do.

Most of what I read is related to startups or economics, but for the short list of change-my-life books:

This year I read a lot about what you might loosely call the Paleo movement / anti-carbs and sugar movement. The New Evolution Diet, The Primal Blueprint, books by Gary Taubes, and so on. I think this is going to change how I eat and exercise forever.

The Gift of Imperfection and other works by Brené Brown. Lately this is being promoted by Oprah, which isn't usually a good sign. I think it stands apart because it's not theory or poetry; it's based on some solid research on what people living more productive and satisfying lives are actually doing. If nothing else, her books have made me a better friend when my friends are in pain. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

Excerpt from a book:

In today's culture -- where our self-worth is tied to our net worth, and we base our worth on our level of productivity -- spending time doing purposeless activities is rare. In fact, for many of us it sounds like an anxiety attack waiting to happen.

That's from Guidepost #7 of Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection. That chapter is subtitled Letting Go of Exhaustion As A Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth.

The previous chapter on cultivating creativity is also worth a read.