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You're wasting your time, energy, your life, and your money (or your parents money) by dicking around in college that you don't care for.

You can't let your family run your life, or you'll always be miserable. Decide on your own if you will support them. And then do it with your whole heart. Don't sit there and tell us you "have" to because it's "expected."

Don't stay in college just because you don't know what you'd do otherwise -- figure it out! Make a plan! And then leave. Leave before you end up more miserable, with falling grades, and are kicked out... or you graduate, with a degree having strangled every ounce of passion out of you, and end up in a job that is just as bad.

Nobody is going to intervene and fix this for you. The pain you are feeling is because you are living somebody else's life for them. You have to find & choose to live your OWN life.

That may end up including college. You may decide, after weighing how you feel, that you should support your family, too. Choosing to do what you consider to be the right thing can feel wonderful. But not if you're only doing it because you don't want to feel guilty.

So, that, and pick up a copy of of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. If possible, the audio book. Listen to it and do what it says. I promise you, it'll help.

"Invention of Nature"; nonfiction; about the life of Alexander von Humboldt; Darwin said of him "if it hadn't been for AVH, I would have never stepped foot on the HMS Beagle"; profoundly important to modern science, an adventurer, yet little known in modern times

"Stoner" by John Williams; fiction; this book knocked me on my butt and I read it all in almost one sitting; about an English professor who refuses to relinquish his integrity in the face of great adversity

"Light Years" by James Salter; fiction; inexpressibly beautiful novel that takes place largely on the Hudson River above New York

"Narcissus and Goldmund" by Hesse; fiction; a fun yet literary adventure novel about the importance and fun of living life with integrity

"When Things Fall Apart" by Chödron; non-fiction; Chödron proposes that leaning into suffering, experiencing it as directly and fully as possibly and without resistance paradoxically leads to profound relief from suffering

"Enlightenment Now" by Pinker; non-fiction; proposes, convincingly, that life nhas drastically improved for nearly everyone on earth due to a shifting philosophical orientation towards enlightenment values; proposes that although much is problematic, there is reason for great hope, too

You described pretty well the kind of thing I went through several years back. It really changed my life in every way possible for the better.

Stick with it. It's tough sometimes, but it'll only get better!

EDIT: I recommend starting with "Wherever You Go, There You Are" -- then following up with "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron, be sure to get the audiobook AND the paperback. Really listen to it/read it. Then any book that teaches you to be responsible for yourself, you can pick from a million, straight up from Thoreau.

I don't agree with 100% transparency of every little thing in relationships, but I believe that feeling that you COULD is critical. Learning that you don't have to hide who you are, that you can form relationships by being open, is tremendously liberating.

It's painful to go through life so angry. Serious question: would you prefer to die now, or to feel a little less angry and disappointed every day? I also found therapists to be useless, and probably like you I was too smart for my own good. But there was something that totally changed my life. If you'd like to feel something other than rage or emptiness, please get the audiobook (this is important - the audiobook) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It's not touchy-feely, feel good bromides… in fact, it's the opposite. It's about radical understanding of how crappy the world really is, and learning to work with that. Pema delivers everything in a way that someone in misery will identify with, but without PITY or condescension. Please try it.

Learn to quiet your mind not by denying but by embracing what's going on. You can become an observer in your own head. My #1 go-to recommendation is the AUDIO book (not the written version) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Don't worry if you're not going through what sounds like a crisis… the audiobook is accessible for even minor issues, like "being a human."

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/15...

Learn to quiet your mind not by denying but by embracing what's going on. You can become an observer in your own head instead of being caught up by discoursive thoughts… see them as weather.

My #1 go-to recommendation is the AUDIO book (not the written version) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Don't worry if you're not going through what sounds like a crisis… the audiobook is accessible for even minor issues, like "being a human."

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/15...

Get the audiobook -- AUDIO BOOK -- of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It totally saved my regretful ass. The thing about regret is your natural reaction is to run away from it, but that only makes it worse. And it makes you feel like a coward. So whenever you think of something you regret, whenever it pops into your mind, you start running, and that creates this unbearable vicious cycle. This audiobook is the first major step to breaking the cycle and eliminating regret.

This is always my go-to recommendation for friends who are hurting, and without fail, if they listen to it and try it, they tell me it's been transformative for them, too.

BTW, I had a LOT of things to regret (most of them a lot, lot worse than the list you shared with us… not to trivialize yours, but I was reliving the ways I'd hurt people badly and caused disasters that effected them 5, 10 years before).