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I second, "Feeling Good" is great.

BTW, there is another book by the same author(David Burns) -- "When Panic Attacks" [1]. It is focused on anxiety, not depression, but these two conditions often go hand in hand.

[1] http://amzn.com/076792083X

Have you checked out the book "When Panic Attacks" by Dr David Burns? It's a book that's helped a few friends of mine with severe social anxiety. It's CBT, but you may benefit from a book more tailored towards anxiety, as opposed to more generalised negative thoughts.

I'm a founder that has struggled with this (but it's basically been solved for a while). When Panic Attacks (https://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Panic-Attacks-drug-free-therap...) is a great book. Just being able to identify it and know it's not dangerous helped me the most.

I loved his anecdote of doing jumping jacks while having a panic attack. The lightheartedness of the way he approaches the disorder is kind of nice.

One weird thing that helped me was reading everything I could possibly find on panic attacks over some short period of time. Every paper, book, medication, etc. Unlike some disorders, the truth seems to mostly be positive (non-dangerous, relatively straight-forward ways to beat it), and so the more you know the better you'll be at approaching it.

Working on anxiety can be life changing. I highly recommend the book "When Panic Attacks" by Dr. David Burns. In fact just the other day Dr. Burns had as a guest on his "Feel Good" podcast a tech guy who was rebuilding his web site (https://feelinggood.com/) in exchange for help with his anxieties. In a nutshell, the guy was a "handsome, successful, Yale educated, British" guy who was suffering from anxieties in social situations. Dr. Burns also has a book called "Feeling Good" which is geared more towards depression. Burns is one of the pioneers in cognitive behavior theory. If you're suffering from anxiety and/or depression I highly recommend his books/website/podcast - I will also note that Dr. Burns promotes drug free and rapid recovery that can be accomplished in many cases through "bibliotherapy" - e.g. just by reading a book and , most importantly, doing the exercises/work he recommends.

I can't comment on the whole situation, since I live outside of the USA, but I can give you some advice about Problem #1.

There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X
The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents.

Also, can you please elaborate on your issue with finding a therapist? Can you just go to a therapy session? Or you can't because you have to overcome strong anxiety first? If you are able to come and see a therapist(being able to manage your anxiety if you have any), then find a good CBT therapist and do come see her of him. Therapists are trained to deal with people who have all sorts of issues, even such serious as yours.

Even if you aren't going to commit suicide right now or in the near future, try to get professional help as soon as possible. Suicidal urges is very alarming sign.

Remember, your problems are temporary, your pain is temporary. It shall pass.

For more practical advice, I will quote myself from another recent HN thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5575144

"There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents."

I advice you to get these books(if you don't have kindle devices - don't worry - they have cloud reader so you can read them in your browser), and read them. They are not a replacement for professional treatment in cases like yours, but they may help, and they are easily obtainable.

Yeah I recently read When Panic Attacks by David Burns, which is all about CBT, and while I see the value in what he is saying it really didn't change my mindset about things. There is a separation between what is rational and what is mental/emotional. I actually feel like I could do a pretty good job talking to someone else who has a fear of flying and helping them with what my logical side knows, but internally I am still a wreck.

> I tried something similar but then fell right back in my normal routine.

Yeah, happens to me all the time. :(

> 1-2 self help books every week

Give "Feeling Good" a try then, I don't read as much books as you do, but I think "FG" is a cut above the other books I've read. With the exception of "When panic attacks(also by D. Burns). While it was only somewhat useful for procrastination, I found this book extremely useful for other problems. The main thing about this book is cognitive techniques, if you apply them(AND read the book) then you gain 10x more value than by just reading the book.

And if you do find the book useful, you may find CBT therapist(which was already suggested in this discussion). A friend of mine did so recently, and she is much better now(though she was clinically depressed).

These are all typical symptoms of anxiety.

There's a bunch of physical approaches to reduce anxiety, better sleep, more exercise, eating better, less caffeine, less alcohol, applied relaxation or the relaxation response (two non-spiritual versions of meditation), yoga, gardening, any physical hobbies.

I'd recommend reading some books on anxiety, particularly the science-based cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) stuff, as often people's panic attacks and the avoidance they cause are literally because people are frightened of fear itself, and the way it makes them feel, and so understanding the basic chemical responses that your body undergoes can be handy. E.g. no-one has ever actually gone crazy or had a stroke or a heart-attack as a result of a panic attack. It's hard to convince yourself of this during one but having that knowledge at the back of your mind helps to prevent you worrying about that outcome and escalating things. Try "When Panic Attacks" by Dr David Burns or some of his other books for some sensible advice on this topic.

The CBT stuff is based on logically addressing irrational thought processes like "I never succeed at anything" and facing up to stressful things so that you'll not fear them similar to the rejection therapy stuff that was popular here a few months back.

SSRI's are popular drug treatments with much reduced side-effects and addictiveness compared with previous tranquilizer type drugs, but they'll still only mask the problem, not cure it like CBT can. Handy if you need the help to get started with CBT or just cope at all, but not necessary for most people and they do have side-effects and risks worth reading up on before taking them. Beta-blockers are a low-risk medication (taken by many people every day of their life for a variety of physical ailments) for controlling the physical responses to anxiety, though it sounds like your suffering more from the mental side (though of course they feed into each other in a vicious circle) but I don't think they're officially prescribed for anxiety in the U.S. so you may have to find a doctor willing to prescribe "off-label" if you think that they'll help.