Your goal is to be yourself and attract people who like you as you are. Then you don’t have to be someone you aren’t.

I’d recommend the book Models by Mark Manson.

[1]https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/models-a-summ...

What also helped change mindsets to positive-by-default interactions with potential partners, I recommend The Alabaster Girl by Zan Perrion. Very flowery book, but an enjoyable read and at worst a decent mode of mind to consider.

It's one of those that's hard to grasp, more of a lifetime read, when you gather more and more experiences, so that the suggestions make more sense.

Those two books, "Models" by Mark Manson and "Slight edge" by Jeff Olson probably changed my life the most.

You're asian, so am I. It's very likely that you were raised by parents who only cared about our academics and accomplishments. Unfortunately, we were never taught how to be in touch with our emotions and sexuality. You will never be truly happy until you learn to become comfortable with expressing yourself freely. So with that said, you need to get used to getting out of your head and not try to overthink everything. As nerds, geeks, and hackers, our strongest trait is our ability to analyze things on a very intricate level. But this is bad when it comes to relationships because connecting with another human being is none of that, especially with women, who are very much emotional creatures by design. It's great that you are speaking out about this issue, not many can. Never be afraid to show vulnerability. Good luck on your journey and please keep us updated!

I can relate to this a lot. If I may make a recommendation - despite the awful name, Models[0] by Mark Manson[1] did a lot to re-frame my interaction with women I'm romantically interested in. It takes the refreshing approach that rather than learning tricks or lines like other male-oriented dating books this one comes from a place of honesty and vulnerability. He has a blog [2] if you want a taste of his writing.

[0] https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-...
[1] Better known for his book 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck'
[2] https://markmanson.net/archive

I'm also reading a lot of eBooks (mostly nonfiction books: Deep Work, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Models: Attracting Women through Honesty.) I also want to read Wilson's new translation of The Odyssey.

Finally, I just realized I had feelings for a friend of mine when she started dating someone else. I decided that it'd be healthier for both of us if I wished her the best and moved on. We're on good terms, so that's good. So I'm learning a lot about myself and relationships there.

In general, it seems to be anything that makes women sexually uncomfortable is perceived as creepy (from Models by Mark Manson). But the ones that can (and should) be avoided is:

- Expressing sexual intentions in some sneaky way (like, staring at a girl but hesitating with talking to her). Though, importantly, playful flirting is not considered creepy (even though it's not about showing things explicitly).

- Pursuing her for too long when she is not interested (some behaviors can be super romantic or creepy, totally depending on her interest in you, which you may not know).

Yet, from what I seen (and learned) being upfront (or flirting playifully) AND leaving ample space for her to turn you down (so - not being to pushy or needy) is good enough (and actionable).

To some point it is not possible to be creepy-proof if you want to show any sexual intentions. At the same time, it's not a big deal (and shouldn't be).

I've read these three books (Nice Guy then Friends and then Models) over the past few months and they have really taught me how to build up my confidence.

- Models: Attract Women through Honesty + The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

- The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy + More than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert + Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

- Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain - Helped me better understand myself and others, highly recommend

- The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey - Advice on mastering the mental part of doing anything, not just tennis

- The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo - actually maybe the most important book I've read in a while, helped me throw away a lot of stuff I didn't need

- Models by Mark Manson - very helpful and ethical advice on attracting women for people like me who never really quite figured it out

- A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine- discussion of a philosophy of life that seems like it would work well for modern living

Now I don't mean to spin all this around about the book, so I'd suggest reading through his blog posts, perhaps starting with the "best articles" to get an impression of what he's about. I'm positive that someone open minded enough will get something compelling out of it.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, because it changed my understanding of people for the better.

"Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" by Richard Feynman, because it gave me a model for how to enjoy life.

"Models" by Mark Manson, because it helped shape my understanding of heterosexual relationships.

"An Introduction to General Systems Thinking" by Gerald Weinberg, because it illuminates the general laws underlying all systems.

Fiction:

"Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert A Heinlein, because it showed me a philosophy and "spirituality", for lack of a better word, that I could agree with.

"The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand, because they showed me how human systems break, and they provided human models for how to see and live in, through, and past those broken systems.

"Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality" by Eliezer Yudkowsky, because it set the bar (high) for all future fiction, especially when it comes to the insightful portrayal of the struggle between good and evil.

-Intuition Pumps and other Thinking Tools

-Sapiens

-Edward.O Wilson Letters to a young scientist

-Cédric Villani Birth of a Theorem

-Emanuel Derman Models Behaving Badly

-Letters From A Stoic by Seneca

-Mathematics it's contents methods 3 Volumes (Aleksandrov et al.)

-Nick Bostrom Superinteligence

-The Moral Animal by Robert Wright

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/parasitology/article...

Anderson, R. M. and May, R. M. (1982). Coevolution of hosts and parasites. Parasitology 85(Pt 2), 411–426.

Frank, S. A. (1996). Models of parasite virulence. Quarterly Review of Biology 71, 37–78.

Alizon, S., Hurford, A., Mideo, N. and Van Baalen, M. (2009). Virulence evolution and the trade-off hypothesis: history, current state of affairs and the future. Journal of Evolutionary Biology 22, 245–259.

Social awkwardness is a well covered subject in this and many other books. Even better, it's covered by people who have more than theory to back their ideas.

I have never seen this actually work. I have failed doing it myself.

Sappiness is what girls want from the guys they are already head-over-heels attracted to. It does not work for converting a girl from neutral or slightly attracted into wanting to go with you.

The best thing to do is just to hang out with her casually, flirt, be playful, tease her, do active things, go for walks, have fun, and gradually escalate physically, escalate touching, escalate sexual innuendo in your conversation. If she reacts positively, escalate more, if not, then there is sometimes nothing you can do.

The best book I have read on this subject is "Models: Attract Women through Honesty" - http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-e...